month 1

I wanted to spend some serious time organizing my house in January. I spent some. I wanted to do some home improvement projects that would require me to remember some "handy" skills I used to have. I hung one picture. I wanted to do some deep cleaning. I did none.

I intended to just do two or three tasks a week. Never did I do more than one. Some weeks were less.

In other words, January was a failure in terms of "accomplishing" goals.

One of the reasons I failed was that midway through the month, I stopped believing in my goal. I wondered if my goal wasn't set because the world says I should declutter and be clean, and maybe that wasn't what the Lord wanted me to be focusing on right now. I spent some time considering what I should be focusing on.

I spent a lot of time wondering if I would ever feel normal again, and what feeling normal was. For me, for a long time, I've had a general sense that I'm pretty much a doing a mediocre job on everything, except that assessment value is probably just in my head, and I guess I'm doing okay - trust me, it's a hard head space to live in.

I spent a lot of the month facing my lifelong weaknesses: a tendency to procrastinate any thing that lacks a deadline (cleaning anyone?), often hiding in a book (oh, so virtuous is reading) to avoid other less pleasant tasks (like phone calls or parenting), and not prioritizing cleaning up (who saw my room growing up? oh yeah, no one, because my parents ignored the mess if I kept the door closed).

And I spent a lot of the last week considering where to go in February, what goals to set, and how to improve. Because I want to be mindfully better at the end of the year.

admidst the chaos

Any one who has visited my house in the last 8 years knows that it is often a mess. I cannot keep on top of it, and if you ask my parents, I couldn't do it as a teenager either.

It was a particularly... I mean, a regularly messy house two Sundays ago. My husband was getting ready to bring dinner to some friends who were feeling sick. "Do you remember their house number?" he asked.

As I walked to my phone to look up the information, I thought: you were just there twice yesterday to drop and pick up our daughter for a birthday party... wait...

I remembered the party invitation in the middle of the floor that I'd walked over at least 10 times in the last few hours. I stopped moving, looked down, turned my head, and read him the address.

I still can't decide whether it was an epic success or epic failure.

week 2

Is it even worth mentioning what my goals were for week 2? Because they didn't get done.

Instead I ... helped the kids go outside in what may possibly be the only snow they get this year (all 1/4 inch of it). I sorted through some clothes. I taught E how to clean the bathroom sinks. I made multiple visits to the "candy store" (long story). I went grocery shopping. I went visiting teaching. I was visit taught. I watched other people's children.

I did get some longer term clean up done, but I can't remember what it was.

Week two was about failing in my organization goals.

But, is this where the glory comes in? I don't feel like a failure, I just feel like as last week unfolded, different things needed to be prioritized.

S's thoughts

"wha'chu doin'?" Mr. S asked me during an introspective moment of an introspective period of my life.

"pondering what I should do with my life," I answered.

"What'chu doin?" I returned, which is my part of the script.

"Eat-ting tost," he replied with a smile.


I need to do more "toast eating" and less "life pondering."

week 1

January is about having a house of order.

There is so much stuff in my house. Much of it is needed, much of it is loved, and much of it is not. I would like to organize the stuff that is needed/loved and rid ourselves of what is not. I have been wanting to do this ... for a long time, but I've been focused on it/meaning to do it/setting goals about it for about two years now.

I would say "this is the year!" but that doesn't seem likely. I can try though.

So, in order to try, I've set three medium goals a week, with at least one pushing me to do something new or something I haven't done in a long time.

Week 1:
clean entry room
build toddler bed
hang extra coat hooks in entry way

The saga the toddler bed is already noted, but I should add that I am no longer depressed by it, in fact, it makes me laugh. I didn't get any of the other things done either.

I'm not sure I'm failing with glory, but I am failing.

...at putting my house in order.

I'm still getting my kids to school, feeding them, reading with them, having FHE, reading scriptures individually and as a family, doing my calling...

the first try

Failure: 1
Me: 0

I got a toddler bed this weekend from someone in the ward. In my pursuit of trying things, doing things myself, being proactive, I was going to put the bed together myself. I did handy things before I was married. I can still do them.

So, when S and I got home from getting the girls to school we pulled all the pieces upstairs. We pulled out the instructions, and realized we had no hardware.

Failing on try 1. Obviously this is what I get for daring to "fail with glory" but you know what, it didn't feel very glorious. Note to self: ponder what "glory" really means.

I contacted the former owner of the bed, and she said she realized after she got home that she hadn't given me the hardware. So, later that afternoon I drove to her house (getting lost on the way, then almost being late to pick up my girls from school) to get the parts (and return the family pictures that had inadvertently been put with the bed parts).

We raced to get the girls from school, returned home, and the kids and I were going to build a bed! They got out their tool bag. There were tears, because everyone wants to believe the tools are not shared, but are "mine!" But by golly, I was going to build a bed! S and I talked about it. I promised.

As I pulled out the pieces it became clear: we were still missing parts. Fairly essential parts.

And then my time for achieving anything was done. I had to do the daily work of motherhood. No more glorious failures or successes today.

(My good husband made a phone call after he got home and the parts are being mailed to us by the manufacturer. So, he solved the problem for me after all.)